As a marriage and family therapist for 20 years, I have done my share of marital therapy — and helped many couples overcome infidelity challenges. Now, in the private investigative business, I see an interesting and different side of this issue. Instead of trying to overcome infidelity, the betrayed spouse is motivated to exploit it. This is somewhat problematic for me because I know that more information isn’t always psychologically better, though it might have legal benefits. That means the PI must help clients balance the legal need for the info vs. the desire for validation. 

The need list might include:

• Some states consider infidelity when making decisions about alimony and property division.
• Infidelity may be part of a list of behaviors that would indicate, for some judges, poor moral character, affecting child custody and parenting time decisions. 
• Some religious sects may not approve of divorce or a subsequent marriage without proof of infidelity or other acceptable reason. 

The want list might include:

• Wanting proof to garner support of extended family members, who may otherwise be judgmental of divorce. 
• Tired of being called “crazy”  or jealous for being suspicious, especially when the cheating party continues to deny an affair. 
• Seeking a socially acceptable reason to gain freedom from an undesirable marriage

Whether an attorney needs information to facilitate a better outcome for a client, or a spouse wants confirmation to feel sane again, it’s important to remember that uncovering proof of infidelity is never pleasant. In my therapy work, I counseled clients to understand that more information (details about time, place, activities, money spent, etc.) never answers the big emotional questions: Why was I not good enough? Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently? How could he/she hurt  me in this way? Instead, more information tends to lead to more questions – and a never ending rabbit hole of pain. 

When you seek Resolve Investigations assistance on this issue, it will be important for us to discuss your needs vs. your wants. But remember, all a private investigator can do is uncover or confirm facts. You will need to seek therapeutic and spiritual support to uncover your truth.  

~ Diane Dierks